The First Ultrasound

 In my previous post, I mentioned how Friday was the ultimate pit of despair. In my head, even as illogical as it all seems based COMPLETELY ON MY OWN RECORDED PROGRESS, I was terrified of the Ultrasound. I had built it up to this "all or nothing" type appointment where -- what if it proved all my labs were lies, what if things weren't as good as it seemed" etc., etc..

I keep referring to myself as the little "green" emoji that looks seasick - but not quite vomiting. Yeah, that's me. I haven't actually thrown up yet, but I've had a few days were I feel like I should look completely green.

Friday was one of those days. 

Betas, Betas, Betas

I've been through the entire emotional lifecycle in the last couple weeks. I think Thursday into Friday was the worst. It was like the ultimate pit of despair.

I woke up feeling sick - except that I don't even think I can honestly call it "morning sickness" because I feel it was actually physical manifestation of anxiety. 

To catch everything up to speed, here's my beta breakdown so far; including as much "lingo" as possible so I have it logged for future reference:

Almost There

 I realize there will be a million different "Finish Lines" that we will have to cross... but we can cross "Embryo Transfer Success" off the list. 

I'm not overly spiritual, but we've been blessed to be able to say our first Embryo transfer was a success. On some of my Reddit forums, I'd seen that some women had gotten positive pregnancy tests as early as 4 days post transfer. Never in a million years did I think I would fall in that category too.

Embryo Transfer Day!

We survived our first IVF FET. Today was the day. I am home now, have slept off the Valium (WOW it was strong) and we've been trying to adjust to our new realization that - as of right now, I am actually pregnant.

There's a legit, fertilized, week old embryo, who was aggressively making a jailbreak from his shell (the doctor was repeatedly commenting on how AWESOME it was) chilling in my uterus.

Baby's First Pic:

IVF Timeline (3): The ERA Biopsy

I realize my last entry was in October '22.  Fast forward 5 months and we are now almost the last week of March '23. It's been almost a full year from our Egg Donor news. Since October, I could have sat down and given a bunch of micro-updates along the way, but I'd rather given entries with more substance. Here's what been happening:

IVF Timeline (2): The Frozen Embryos

Coming back as a follow up to [this] entry concerning the tentative "timeline" that was strictly a guess-timate at the time. Ironically, that loose timeline was dead-on accurate!

So since Part 1: The Egg Acquisition, we have ordered, received, thawed, fertilized, embryo created, and refrozen. They call this whole timeframe and process The Hunger Games (because the attrition rate of your eggs is mind blowing). Here is a run down of our stats. 

IVF Timeline (1): The Egg Acquisition

Over the last few days, I had a very nice email update from my Nurse Coordinator, saying that the Egg Donor {referred to as "Mia"} had her submitted Genetics Profile crosschecked with Otters. There is no issues what so ever, so we are Golden! She outlined a few more of the next steps, and I was very relieved. 

I had a smidge of .... not quite impatience... but, like... I had an "In The Dark" vibe going for a hot minute. I don't need hard facts, I just work better with less surprises. It's really hard when -for right now- the point of contact is literally me. Trying to get these different facilities to communicate together. 

Side Hustles A Plenty

Ya girl is always on the lookout for a cool side hustle. The less "overhead" the better. I have my little Etsy Shop which is the epitome of Passive Income. And here lately, since I'd consider myself somewhat Tech Savvy, I've also registered over at Rev.com to be a "Closed Caption-er" for training videos and YouTube, etc. (hello, side gig while I'm on [hopeful] Maternity Leave!) From my research, there is apparently a pretty long waitlist to get selected, but I'm not quitting my 9 to 5, so I'm totally cool with the wait. If it comes sooner than later, even better! The test sample and quiz they gave you was pretty fun, too! 

The Refresh Monster.. and Dates!

If there is one part about this whole  IVF Journey that I hate the most, it's definitely the "In Between Emails" part. I have been SO good about keeping my "Peace" when it comes to everything else.... but my compulsion to CONSTANTLY hit refresh on my email (on my phone) is just..... flabbergasting. I'm a monster. I'm a monster that literally has to take a charging bank with me to work because my phone is at 30% by 11am. 

Can I get a Countdown?

Just hung up the phone from the Psychologist. We have our Pre-IVF session scheduled for Wednesday, July 13th. I had my Mammogram last week. Unfortunately, it was my first one ever and they warned me well in advance that First-Timers are routinely called back for more images since there is nothing to compare it to. As expected, I was called back. My follow-up for more imaging is the day before our Psychology appointment. So both items will be checked off next week! 

Your Eggs, My Basket

WOW. So a lot of ground has been covered. I'll just jump right in.

In March, my Invitae results came back, I was 100% clear of all Genetic Disorders. There was a few other labs that the fertility doctor ran also, and that's where the big bomb was dropped. The "short & sweet" version is that my Cancer history & the related Radiation obliterated my eggs. Essentially, I will kick out a "shell" of an egg, but there's either no yolk, or what is there, is fried. 

Well Hello There!

Back in April, the Significant Otter and I picked up HelloFresh. 

I'll just say it's been a god damn life saver. We're several weeks in, and it's going amazing. I just simply couldn't keep up anymore. I couldn't piece together an idea for dinner, much less what to pack for my lunch. Groceries prices were sky-rocketing, and it was just an all around terrible time.

Something Brewing

I know I've had a lot of updates lately. This is probably the biggest one, so fasten your seatbelt. Well, my Significant Otter and I have launched/began the Fertility Quest. I was researching some things concerning my medical history and I came across some not so nice age-related news. Ultimately, that was the prompter for this whole thing. Before I did much else, I started researching facilities and physician reviews. I found one that had consistently rave reviews - even though their particular facility had some somewhat mixed reviews, I still decided to go with this specific physician. I am very grateful I found this doctor, I am thrilled with how we were received as patients, and his optimism is definitely needed.

Shadow Call

I will give a smaller update about work since it's mostly boring uneventful. 

I've been steady truckin' along. Only time can give me the exposure to more cases (the repetition needed) which is what I've been doing. I am officially off Shadow Call as of now (today, actually). I will shrug my shoulders and say I am solid with a STEMI. I shrug because it doesn't matter who it is, there will always be a chance of the case turning into a shit show. Most of the time, it is literally all based on the patients initial condition. Some of them are having a massive heart attack (like 100% blockage of main vessel) and they are oddly stable, allowing us to work easier. Sometimes, the patient is completely tanking and we have to break scrub to do manual compression. Either way, I am competent at doing whatever the next step is.

Grand Opening

WOW. Moving right along with all the crazy update posts. I will "circle back around" and say that my Otter Half did land the job. He blew his interview out of the water, so much so that the panel of interviewers all wanted to offer him a position. One was Compliance, one was the Property Management, and one was Marketing. Personally, I've never had that kind of response from an interview, so he was appropriately ecstatic. I've never really heard of someone being able to pick a roll they wanted to pursue, like this.

Back at it

So many things going on I don't even know where to start. Typically, I don't like doing "catch-all" blog entries because I like to categorize my topics... but the cryptonite to that is I generally lose steam and/or I am too long winded and I never get to list item No2, No3, etc. Oh well. I'll throw a dart at the board here and start with what popped up when I logged on today. 

The Heavy Stuff

I was warned over and over and over that learning my way around the CathLab was going to be like relearning an entire new career. 

It is.

Breaking Bad Habits

Now that I have transitioned to my new job, my significant other is transitioning to his, we are settled into the house, and both actually have the literal Time Of Day to do extra curricular activities - I've been inflicted with a super bad desire to start back up with Pilates.

I originally had to cancel my membership because all extra expenses needed to stop when we were going through the Credit Approval phase for the house. It was bittersweet, but I also knew they were building a Club Pilates 5 minutes from where our house would be and I had every intention on switching to that one instead of making the 30 minute trek to the previous location.

Now, I am currently going through a self-induced detox...

Someone Deserving

So I'm going to take a moment here to put it in the Cosmos that my other half is currently in the final steps of making a potential Career Transition. He has been working so insanely diligently to complete his Real Estate & Property Management education so that he can officially change into a more flourishing career. 

After everyone shuttered their doors last year (and the resulting layoffs) due to Corona, we had a serious discussion about him wanting to change into a career path that offered more security in the long run. He is wonderful at everything he does, but the Hospitality/F&B/Bar Management industry was a difficult one to adjust to (I'll admit, it was me). The late hours, the intoxicated people... the whole vibe was unsettling for me. Yes, I'm the one with the insecurities.  

Him.. being his normal, super receptive self, was on board with trying to get out of the current industry. We put our heads together and, oddly, it came to us while we were out grocery shopping -- Real Estate. We had been discussing what were some options that had quickest turn-around for lowest investment... and something that could supplement his Bachelor's Degree in Pre-Law. 

Career Day - Part 2

We both had our interviews on the same day. Friday, May 14th. I went first (I had Fridays off from work), and [WE] was tagged to come over (he was at work) as soon as mine was completed. 

For the record, I have never had an interview go as well as that one did. I absolutely slaughtered it. I answered everything, and have ZERO post-interview remorse (ie "I should have said xyz.") Nor any cringe moments. I went off the deep-end speculating how [WE] felt about his interview because there was no way it could have gone better than mine. 

Monday rolls around and I get a Secret Squirrel text message from another person in the department saying they overheard [WE] get cornered by the Lead & the Dept. Manager out in the hallway. They were asking [WE] how he thought it went and what was his feelings on the whole thing. Apparently, his didn't go as good as planned. His entire vibe was shut down and he responded with a few "I just don't think its going to work out." Shortly after, [AD] texted me to let me know he rescinded his application.